Sharing the crochet love. And some robots.

Posts tagged ‘abuse’

Monday Measure

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Woop de doo, see (some of!) those numbers coming down. And brace yourselves, I have found a “before” picture…

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Actually, it’s not the worst photo I have ever seen. I’m not straining to breathe or sweating with the effort of being upright.. But when I look at this photo I feel very sad about that time in my life. I would have sworn to you, if you had asked me, that I was happy and content, but maybe some things can only be seen clearly when looking back from a better place.

I firmly believe that someone’s weight gain is only a symptom of a problem that needs to be treated, rather than being the problem itself. At that point in my life there were a number of things causing me to make the wrong food choices. My boy was still waking, every two hours, every night, for the first two years of his life – looking for a hug, most nights! – and the tiredness made me crave junk food. I was also feeling very lonely and more than a little shaken from my experiences of domestic abuse. Nobody talks about that, so I felt as though I were the only person ever to go through it. Also, when someone comes through an illness or a trauma, people will come and visit, bring flowers, make tea. There is none of that for escaping domestic violence, and I felt a little “forgotten.” Not that I wanted to parade through the streets being cheered by the town, but it almost feels as though your suffering needs to be recognised, before you can leave it behind and heal.

Woah, there is a whole load of stuff that just came flooding out, when all I meant to do was put up this week’s measurements! I guess sharing our stories is part of the healing process too, and one step closer to moving on.

Anyway, I am feeling very happy with my progress so far. I think my measurements might be a little slower to change now that the initial “shock” of the new diet has worn off, so I will probably leave it for at least a fortnight before I update again.

Last week’s mini-goal was to purchase the yarn for my new top; and I have achieved that, and am waiting for it to be delivered from ebayland. Very exciting!

Last week’s treat was; herbal teas, lots of them. No, really! I was trying to re-train my horribly sweet tooth, and although most of the fruit teas I have tried have tasted a lot like hot water, I loved the aniseedy taste of fennel tea. The big winner was liquorice tea, definitely an acquired taste, but it’s syrupy sweetness killed all of my sweet cravings stone dead. I am craving that now instead! Try it!

This week’s mini-goal is to go through my wardrobe and get rid of anything that doesn’t make me feel fabulous. If it is baggy, saggy or drab looking, it is going to the charity shop. I want to hop out of the shower in the morning excited about getting dressed. It might take a little work, but I deserve to be happy in my clothes every day, so it will be worth it.

Good luck to everyone in pursuing their goals, I hope your voyage of self discovery is as enlightening as mine has been this week. Keep it up, we can do this. xxx

Time to shine, for all of us

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It may be a little quiet here over the next few days, so I will take this opportunity to say happy Christmas to all of you, or just have a really great day if you don’t do the Christmas thing. So many of you have shared some really kind words and wonderful comments, all of which have meant so much to me.

Sharing a picture of our tree angel today, she is a bit special to me because I made her a few years ago as an experiment with fabric stiffener and lace, using a pattern from Crochet World magazine.She turned out ok, but has warped a little from lying on the shelf ever since – I was living with my parents, having fled an abusive partner, and didn’t have a tree to put her on! 

This year a lot has changed for us. I have my own place again, close enough to my parents for the kids to have plenty of time with them, and wonderful support for me too. We even have our own tree now, decorated with ornaments donated by friends and family, so covered in lovely little reminders of their love for us. And on top of the tree, finally in use, my angel. So much symbolism in there, so many emotions, but all good, finally. All good. 

De-stressing with Yarn

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I had to make several phone calls today that I had been dreading for a while. The worst was to my ex partner, to explain that our daughter did not want to speak to him on the phone at the minute, and did not want to see him in person either. I had to do that as it was what my daughter wanted, she is suffering from terrible anxiety  and is awaiting a referral for counselling. Naturally he is accusing me of filling her head with lies and turning her against him. I was left with a sense of deep unease afterwards, and a nagging fear that one day he will turn up on our doorstep and do something terrible. 

 

On the plus side; the phone calls are out of the way, my daughter heard me on the phone and came in afterwards to thank me and to tell me that she feels safe now, and together we will heal from this ordeal and come out stronger. Every difficult step that we take is one less that we have to face tomorrow. 

 

Plus, all that stress sure got that cardigan finished in no time 🙂

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