Sharing the crochet love. And some robots.

Posts tagged ‘diet’

Still fighting in the Hunger Games

Image

 

   I have finished the project that was dubbed the “Hunger Games Blanket,” so-called because I was using it to distract myself from food cravings in the evenings. (NOT starving myself, I might add; but trying to break out of emotional/boredom/mindless eating habits.) 

    Although I had a bit of a wobble in the middle when I found myself beginning to loathe the yarn I was trying to use up (it’s gone! gone! never to darken my door again with it’s hairy gloominess!), on the whole I enjoyed the idea of crocheting my cravings away. Whenever I felt like I needed a biscuit, or I heard some tasty snacks calling me from the kitchen, I occupied my mind instead with colour changes, sewing in a million ends, and planning the changes of direction in order to form a square. Looking at it now, it reminds me a little of the different coloured fields in the countryside that surrounds us.

  It’s not huge, admittedly it is a lap blanket rather than a full sized throw, but it is going to be donated to a residential home this evening along with the granny squares blanket I made earlier in January. We have just had a huge snowfall and a drop in temperatures too, so I hope it will bring a little warmth and colour to someone who needs it. 

Image

 

Since finishing this, I have slipped in the snow and landed very heavily on my outstretched hand – a silly and very painful way to land! Luckily nothing was broken but the jarring pain travelled the whole way up my arm, shoulder, and neck. According to my daughter, it was hilarious – and I did make a very funny outline in the snow. It may mean no crochet for a little while though, although the time off will be a great opportunity to get all of the other little jobs done; organising the stash, re-writing the project wish list, and finalising the design for my goal-weight top! 

  Hope you are all taking care in the snow, and staying warm. Looks like the winter is not over just yet! 

 

 

It’s that time again…

Image

I was almost convinced that my four days of liquids-only-sipped-through-a-straw might have caused massive inch loss all over; after all, there has to be some perk to feeling that rough, right? But no, the inches haven’t dropped off, and I think that might be a good thing. Nobody needs to be encouraged to starve themselves, right? Besides, I think a serious calorie deficit causes your body to hang on desperately to every shred of food that goes in, like a famine survival mode. So, tonsillitis as a weight loss tool? Not good!

However, I have to admit that even though the numbers might not be showing huge losses, things are heading in the right direction. You may have noticed there are no half-inches on any of the measurements; I’m a bit fussy about whole numbers and fractions, so I am waiting for the whole inch to come off before I put it down as a loss. So it’s all good, all very positive, all very encouraging. And look what came in the post, to keep me on track…

Image

It’s the yarn for my top – the one I hope to wear when I am slimmer again. (No, not just one ball, there are another 11 the same as this one!) It is a lovely soft grey, not anywhere near as shiny as the photo makes it look, but with a nice sheen to it. I can’t wait to get started. I hardly ever make anything for myself; maybe I should, if it would keep me focused on my diet and my healthy lifestyle? Now there is a thought…

My big treat over the last fortnight (before the tonsillitis) was a trip to the cinema with the kids  – and of course there was popcorn. I felt I had earned a treat, and I also think if you deny yourself something that you really like (popcorn is a big part of the cinema experience!) then you end up miserable and unhappy. It was delicious!

My mini-goal this fortnight is to continue with the de-cluttering. It’s been very therapeutic, and creates a much calmer atmosphere in the house. Plus, I have discovered there is money to be made selling your clutter online, woohoo! (Yes, I have always been late to the party, but I get there in the end!)

I hope everyone that is following a similar path to mine is still feeling positive and motivated. Things may be going slowly, but they are going, and that is all that matters. Imagine looking back on this journey next year, or in five years time…we won’t feel the annoyance and the impatience, we will just feel the pride and the satisfaction. Keep going!

Fat and Fit, thanks

Image

So, I have this friend…which is a really hateful way to begin a post, I know…but I have this friend, and I love her to bits, but she has a real knack for saying some really hurtful things – completely unintentionally.

This morning, for example, she handed me a flier for a new activity programme being run in the town. It sounded great, and I do enjoy being active, but when I read the small print….it was being aimed at people with obesity issues.

I said to my friend “Look, I can’t do this, I don’t have a BMI of 32.”

Her reply; “Are you sure? Have you checked? You can’t be far off it. It would be good for you, it’s for people like you, who don’t do anything.”

Well, thank you for crushing me just a little bit, there, with your kind concern and your good intentions!

I don’t understand; this girl has known me pretty much all my life. And I run – I have been a runner since I was about 18, with the occasional “rest periods” that some runners have when they are just not feeling the buzz.

Since my youngest started school full time in September, I have been lucky enough to be able to fit in a run after I drop the kids off in the morning. I may not be eating up the miles in the way that I used to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still do it!

My friend, my beautiful, kind, funny friend has fallen into the trap that many people do; she thinks that, because I am big, I spend my days sitting on the sofa watching talk shows and eating crisps. I felt so cross that I came home and went out for a run, just to prove to myself that she was wrong – not a very good reason for a run, but even a bad reason is still a reason. Within just a few minutes I had forgiven her for her blunder, and felt like I was flying. There is no drug that can give a high like that, or clear the mind quite so easily. The post-run snack of an apple and glass of water is somehow made so much more delicious because of the burning lungs and scarlet face that accompany them.

I realise that sometimes people need to see something before they will believe it; and I will admit to being more of a private runner than one who will walk around all day in their running gear. I don’t post on Facebook about my “Best.Run.Ever” or my “6 mile hill session before lunch, legend” in the way that some people do. I gave up long ago trying to join in the fitness conversations with the skinny mums at the school because they made it clear that someone of my size couldn’t possibly understand what it is like to feel the burn at one of their aquafit classes or bodysculpt, or whatever the latest trend is.

I have a brother in law, as thin as a rake, who likes to sneer at “fat people.” He makes fun of anyone of size, regardless of what they might be doing at the time. If they are coming out of the shop with bags of shopping, we will hear “They they are, look, on their way home for a mid morning snack,” or they might be walking the dog, and then we will hear “Go on, keep walking, another 50 miles and you might fit into your trousers properly.” Nasty, poisonous comments from someone who obviously thinks that thin is good, fat is bad. I would argue that “fit” is best, regardless of size. And I could run that skinny man into the ground – he may well beat me in a sprint, but give me a few miles and I would leave him for dead.

Anyway, enough about negativity; this post was meant to be a positive one. This post is for anyone carrying a few extra pounds who is sick and tired of the whole world thinking that they are lazy, greedy and stupid – amongst other things (I had an ex once who refused to believe that I could be cold, because in theory, my layer of fat should have been enough to keep me warm. That is why he is an ex now, the idiot.)

Big people can be fit. Big people can enjoy the same highs from exercise and enjoy all the benefits of an active life that a thinner person can. So if your size is stopping you from giving it a go, be brave and go for it. Get out there and get that buzz, don’t let the thin people hog it all to themselves.

Don’t worry about people staring – if they stare, it is because they wish they were doing it too.

Monday Measure

Image

Woop de doo, see (some of!) those numbers coming down. And brace yourselves, I have found a “before” picture…

Image

Actually, it’s not the worst photo I have ever seen. I’m not straining to breathe or sweating with the effort of being upright.. But when I look at this photo I feel very sad about that time in my life. I would have sworn to you, if you had asked me, that I was happy and content, but maybe some things can only be seen clearly when looking back from a better place.

I firmly believe that someone’s weight gain is only a symptom of a problem that needs to be treated, rather than being the problem itself. At that point in my life there were a number of things causing me to make the wrong food choices. My boy was still waking, every two hours, every night, for the first two years of his life – looking for a hug, most nights! – and the tiredness made me crave junk food. I was also feeling very lonely and more than a little shaken from my experiences of domestic abuse. Nobody talks about that, so I felt as though I were the only person ever to go through it. Also, when someone comes through an illness or a trauma, people will come and visit, bring flowers, make tea. There is none of that for escaping domestic violence, and I felt a little “forgotten.” Not that I wanted to parade through the streets being cheered by the town, but it almost feels as though your suffering needs to be recognised, before you can leave it behind and heal.

Woah, there is a whole load of stuff that just came flooding out, when all I meant to do was put up this week’s measurements! I guess sharing our stories is part of the healing process too, and one step closer to moving on.

Anyway, I am feeling very happy with my progress so far. I think my measurements might be a little slower to change now that the initial “shock” of the new diet has worn off, so I will probably leave it for at least a fortnight before I update again.

Last week’s mini-goal was to purchase the yarn for my new top; and I have achieved that, and am waiting for it to be delivered from ebayland. Very exciting!

Last week’s treat was; herbal teas, lots of them. No, really! I was trying to re-train my horribly sweet tooth, and although most of the fruit teas I have tried have tasted a lot like hot water, I loved the aniseedy taste of fennel tea. The big winner was liquorice tea, definitely an acquired taste, but it’s syrupy sweetness killed all of my sweet cravings stone dead. I am craving that now instead! Try it!

This week’s mini-goal is to go through my wardrobe and get rid of anything that doesn’t make me feel fabulous. If it is baggy, saggy or drab looking, it is going to the charity shop. I want to hop out of the shower in the morning excited about getting dressed. It might take a little work, but I deserve to be happy in my clothes every day, so it will be worth it.

Good luck to everyone in pursuing their goals, I hope your voyage of self discovery is as enlightening as mine has been this week. Keep it up, we can do this. xxx

No-Weigh Monday

Image

 

 

Ergh, if I had realised I would be sharing this, I would have written a little more neatly! 

Time to be brave – if I haven’t the guts (or an excess of guts) to put up a “before” pic, the measurements will have to do instead. I have decided, you see, that this will be a “No Weigh” diet, at least for now. Not because I don’t want to know how much I currently weigh – although, if I am honest, it isn’t breaking my heart not to know! – but because weighing in would require the purchase of some weighing scales. Which would lead to the obsessive weighing and numbers-fixation of the past. I need to protect my children from that, and also, if it hasn’t worked too well for me in the past, then it is time to find a better way. 

Instead of focusing on weight, I will be taking measurements to track my progress, and I have chosen Mondays as my measure-day. If it doesn’t become too boring, I will also share my progress here on a Monday, or possibly fortnightly if it gets a little repetitive. 

What is to stop me from becoming measuring-tape obsessed instead? Well, the fact the tape is permanently icy-cold makes the measuring a less addictive process, for starters! 

I am also hoping that not looking at the scales for reassurance all the time will help me to focus on how I feel; in my clothes, in my body, in my emotions. There is more to weight gain than just eating too much, so if I want to break the cycle I need to know what else has to change, apart from just the food I eat and the exercise I take. 

Anyway; I am still very much at the beginning of this journey, to use a very tired weight loss cliche. But I am delighted with how I have done so far – some of my measurements have already changed for the better, and I do feel very positive. 

My treat for last week has been bubble baths – quite a few of them, actually. It would probably be quite wasteful if it weren’t for the fact that I take up most of the room in the bath at the minute, leaving only a little room for the water. Hopefully I will be seeing that change before too long!

My mini-goal for this week is to decide on a yarn for the top I hope to wear when I get to a healthier size. That top is still in the design stages at the minute, but I feel there is plenty of time to get it finished! Here is just one of the ideas I have been doodling..

Image

 

I am not an artist! But, as long as I know in my head how it is supposed to look, that doesn’t matter. These little doodles are another way to keep me motivated, so there will be plenty more of them too! 

I hope anyone else embarking on a new plan or setting a new goal is also feeling the positive buzz this morning. We can do this! 

Battling with the Stupid Hungers

Image

 

This might not look like much, but tonight it has helped me in the fight against Imaginary Hunger, Boredom Eating, Comfort Eating, and Eating Because There Is Nice Food In The House – all the Stupid Hungers, basically.

I posted just a few days ago about starting over again on my weight loss journey. So far I have been going pretty much ok; no figures to report as yet, because I have no scales in the house at the minute. ( I have done that deliberately as I have been pretty obsessy about weighing in the past and my daughter is now 9, which puts her in the danger zone. Daily weighing is not a behaviour I wish to pass on to her!)

The first few days of a new eating plan can be a massive anti climax. You put in a few good days, deny yourself all your favourite treats, feel pretty virtuous, and then wait for the compliments to roll in…which they don’t. You slip on your jeans in the morning, expecting to be at least another notch slimmer on your belt…and you aren’t. It takes massive will power to stick to the programme when you feel like all your efforts are getting you nowhere, and nobody is even noticing all your hard work. Last time I lost the weight, it took a full four stone (56 pounds, or 25 kilos) before my own mother asked me if I had lost a little weight. I waited a very long time to hear that question! 

Having said all that, I was prepared this time around and am quite happy to wait another 56 pounds before anyone notices again – I have learned a little patience over the years and am ready for the challenge.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the emotional toll of facing up to the demons that cause me to over eat. And the cold! I am so cold today, obviously my body is adjusting to the sudden lack of junk food by shutting down all non essential systems. Thanks, body! If there is one thing guaranteed to make me waver, it is sitting here miserable and freezing. 

But I can get through this. I am working on my second stash busting blanket, pictured above, and have decided to go all Tunisian for a change. And to make sure that I don’t give in to the food cravings, I made them a feature of the design! 

Every time a craving hit, I changed yarn, turned the work, and changed direction. So as you can see, I am getting a random patchy effect that is eating up my yarn stash while taking my mind off the cookie jar. Yes, it might seem a little bizarre, but do you know what? It is working. And when the blanket is finished, I will take a picture of it, to remind me of all of the cravings that I didn’t give in to. 

Plus, all the yarn is keeping me nicely cosy, bonus for me! Yippee! 🙂

 

Hooking me Skinny

Image  

   First of all, I never make New Year resolutions, this is not a resolution. Secondly, this blog is not going to turn into a record of weight loss successes and failures, and I am definitely not about to start listing every bite that I eat every day. 

   But I do want this blog to reflect my day to day life, and today that means the weight loss cycle has come around again. Yes, that’s right; again. I am ridiculously good at losing weight, only to pile it back on again. Even knowing the many benefits of staying slim aren’t enough to keep me away from the kitchen cupboards. As an emotional eater, food brings comfort in stressful times, and there has never been a year quite like the one I have just been through. However, that sounds a lot like making excuses, and it is. At times like this I need to get real and admit that I hide behind my weight to avoid facing up to painful things. The excuses have to go, and so does the weight. 

The picture here was taken last year, when I was at my slimmest. I had just lost a whopping 5 stone (60 lb) and was feeling amazing. I do have a head, by the way, I’m just not ready to share that much of me yet! 

Much as I would love to share a current photo, very few exist, as the more weight I gain, the fewer photographs I appear in. I have managed to regain most of the 60 lb that I lost, and am struggling to squeeze into my biggest jeans. 

But, I have done it before and I can do it again. Here are the three things that I am sure helped me to lose the weight last time around;

 

  • I kept a diary. I wrote down, not just my weight and the food I had eaten, but how I was feeling. I recorded every upset and every triumph, and reading back over it often gave me the strength to keep going. I guess that is why I am sharing this now, as an online diary entry that I can look back on in time and see how far I have come.
  • I had a goal date in mind. There was a charity ball that my friends and I were all going to on the 1st December, and I used to visualise everything about that special night. I knew I wanted to be slimmer rather than heavy so that I could be comfortable and enjoy the night. 
  • Lastly; and this is a biggie; I made a dress for myself. Yup, the blue dress in the photo. I crocheted it to wear to the ball, and when I sat in the evenings working row after row in tiny thread, adding little glass beads, I knew I had to keep eating properly in order to be able to get into the dress. It worked, and I felt like a princess. 

 

   So here we are, starting again. I don’t have a charity ball coming up to plan for, but I am going to use crochet again to keep the weight loss on track. This time I am going to design and make myself a top, a gorgeous going-out top that I can slip on over jeans for a night on the town. I am already beginning to picture it in my mind, so there may be the occasional update on here to show my progress. As for a goal date, I would ideally like to have another slim summer, so I am going to say 1st July. Not necessarily to have all five stone off again, or to be at my goal weight, but to be looking and feeling more like my old self. 

    I am looking forward to being able to get into my clothes again, to being in photographs without having to worry about the number of chins that will be showing, to being able to run, walk and even sleep more easily. So many reasons to shift the extra weight, all I really needed to do was be ready to go, to get to this point in the cycle and get on with it. Wish me luck! 

 

Tag Cloud