Some people lose their appetite in times of stress, but I am not one of those people. I develop an insatiable craving for junk, and could happily graze my way through the days until the “threat” has passed. The worst time is the evening, after the kids are in bed, as I have free rein then to go and raid the kitchen cupboards and the fridge, piling up my plate with the fattiest, sugariest, saltiest rubbish that I can get my hands on.
Of course, I am well aware that this is not a healthy coping strategy. I am aware that this is not very grown-up behaviour, and I am horribly aware that my kids need a better example than this. But in my darkest moments, food has always been a friend to me. My weight reflects my relationship with food; I have been obese, and I have been skinny, and I have been every size in between. At the minute I am hovering around the “running out of jeans that fit and don’t want to buy more in a bigger size” kind of mark, and need to find a better way to deal with life’s issues.
Enter crochet. I have been a crocheter for several years now, and it is the perfect distraction in the evenings. My hands are busy, my brain is working, and at the end of two or three hours, I have something pretty to look at and share with someone. Out of darkness comes something with a fluffy tail, or googly eyes. It works for me.
I know it isn’t the answer to everything that we are having to deal with right now. I know there will be some very hard times ahead; and I know things will probably be worse before they are better. (Abusive ex, traumatised daughter, child counselling appointments looming, ex partner accusing me of poisoning her against him, daily texts and phone calls, fear, anger, guilt, etc etc etc.)
It seems impossible that a hook and a bit of yarn can offer an escape from so much worry and heartache, but it does, and it is much less damaging than trying to eat my cares away.
We will get through this time, my children and me, and come out the other side smiling, healthy, and happy. And with a whole mountain of woolly bunny slippers to boot. Yay for us 🙂
If this strikes a chord with anyone; never be afraid to ask for help. The people who care the most about you are probably just waiting for you to ask... 🙂